Hello and welcome to the Physics of Video Games finale. This was originally going to be a video, but I couldn’t get the final product to be of a high enough quality to present to you. So here is a poorly written article instead! Kidding, kidding… I hope.

Things are going to be very different this time around. We are not going to analyze the plausibility of a video game within the context of its world. We are instead going to make the bold claim, that the events of Contra are happening right now. In the flesh. The colossal monsters, outrageous guns, astounding stupid built terrain that only allows for movement in one plane of motion; it all exists right now. No joke.

To make things even more awesome, we are also not going to have any limitations on justifying this claim. This definitely contrasts what is normally done with the articles, where we have to make so many exceptions and pretend that these worlds can only exist in Jaguar and NES carts. So let’s get to work with our proof.

Seriously, real.

Seriously, real.

Albert Einstein once said “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity… and I’m not sure about the universe”. His latter infinite source is certainly grim and misguided. If we can make Shadow of the Colossus and cheese in a can, we have to be the exact opposite of stupid. His former claim of an infinite source, has a lot of power to it. Einstein expresses uncertainty about the size of the universe, so let’s explore the two scenarios that can possibly come of this: a finite universe, and an infinite one. We’ll talk about the finite one first.

If we consider the universe to be finite, this means we have a set number of resources. Under this assumption, given enough time, we can know everything we could ever need to know about the universe; the amount of hydrogen atoms, cheese sandwiches, Bonobos, everything. Having everything quantified would be a wonderfully ideal scenario. But if we think about this for a moment, we tread in some dangerous thoughts.

This danger is realized when considering the following: if the universe is finite, what is beyond the boundary? What mysteries lies beyond the elusive edge? Surely there would have to be something. Even nothing is something. How could there be nothingness? How does the universe stay in a relatively constant form if supported by nothing? So many questions, with no answers to follow. The idea of having a boundary seems less logical, than just letting the universe expand forever. Never ending is much less terrifying and easier to grasp than endless nothing. Unless you had Bugs Bunny as your guide to the universe. That waskuwy wabbit always misses that right turn at Markarian 421. So since we are going to dismiss the claim of a finite universe being possible, let’s move right along to the infinite one.

If the universe expands forever, then the Contra world has the possibility of existing somewhere. The probability would be impossible to calculate, it would be considered pretty well a zero probability, but it still isn’t a zero percent chance; meaning it is still possible. Knowing what we do about physics and the universe currently, what is to stopping us from assuming that the Contra world can exist?

What is unrealistic here?

What is unrealistic here?

Forests, water, metal structures, guns? Pretty sure we have all those. Aliens? We still constantly discover unusual species on our planet, surely there is another world that contains life forms that we couldn’t possible dream of existing here. Gravity and jumping heights has been explained both in the articles and book. There really doesn’t seem to be a single reason why the world of Contra doesn’t exist right now.

One of the lovely things that happens in physics is that a theory can be presented to be truthful and remain true until something comes along to contradict the claim. We have made our claims which are supported by accepted principles, and have no reason to assume any error. So as it stands, we have proven that the world of Conta exists right now. We await a contradiction. As it stands, we just proved that Contra is a documentary. Thank you for supporting the Physics of Video Games all these years. The book is still for sale and the articles still up on Retroware. We will see you on the next project. Remember that if a shoe is worn on the other foot, you would walk awkwardly. Wow. Almost three years and I still don’t know how to write endings.


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Next time: Something wicked awesome!… eventually.